Home / Retirement / Grieving is a part of life where the experience of others can help

Coping with death is an inevitable challenge that all retirees must navigate. Here are five books – four relate to intense personal experiences – that can help you deal with the loss of a loved one.

Without doubt, one of the most difficult things about retirement is that you will experience loss. For the obvious reason – age – retirees are more likely to experience bereavements than any other age group. Studies show that 71 per cent of those over 65 have experienced loss in the past two-and-half years. But knowing you’re not alone doesn’t make it any easier.

Losing a loved one is so difficult it’s almost impossible to articulate, and dealing with it can be especially hard for retirees – especially if it’s a lifelong partner. For most, the only way to cope with loss is to have a strong support group, and, in many cases, retirees lose that when they experience loss.

Grief acts on people differently and it’s therefore difficult to get advice without having a therapist sit down with you (highly recommended for anyone having difficulty coping with loss), but reading books that offer comfort, guidance and hope can help with the healing process. The following five books are often recommended by therapists for those who need help, with four delicately relating their personal experiences with loss.  

It’s OK that you’re not OK by Megan Devine

This book challenges the common myths and misconceptions about grief such as the idea that it’s something you can get over quickly or that you should be positive and grateful. Instead, it offers a compassionate and realistic approach that acknowledges the pain and difficulty of grief and helps you find your own way of living with it. The author, a therapist and widow herself, shares her personal and professional insights, as well as practical tools and resources, to help you cope with grief and loss in a culture that often doesn’t understand.

The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion

This memoir is a candid and powerful account of the author’s experience of losing her husband of 40 years, the writer John Gregory Dunne, to a sudden heart attack, while their only daughter was in a coma in a nearby hospital. The book explores the emotional and psychological effects of grief such as denial, anger, guilt and depression, as well as the ways that memory and imagination can shape our perception of reality. The book is a testament to the resilience and strength of the human spirit and the ability to find meaning and beauty amid tragedy.

Resilient Grieving: Finding strength and embracing life after a loss that changes everything by Lucy Hone

This book combines the latest research on bereavement with the author’s personal experience of losing her 12-year-old daughter in a car accident. The book introduces the concept of resilient grieving, the ability to adapt and grow after a traumatic loss without denying or avoiding the pain. The book, by a professional resilience researcher, offers practical and evidence-based strategies such as setting goals, seeking support and expressing emotions, to help you navigate the grief process and rebuild your life after a loss that changes everything.

I wasn’t ready to say goodbye: Surviving, coping and healing after the sudden death of a loved one by Brook Noel and Pamela D. Blair

This book is specifically written for those who have lost a loved one unexpectedly such as in an accident, suicide, homicide or a natural disaster. The book addresses the unique challenges and emotions that come with sudden loss such as shock, disbelief, anger and guilt, and provides guidance and support for coping with the aftermath. The book also covers topics such as funeral arrangements, legal issues, financial matters and social interactions, as well as offering suggestions for healing and moving forward.

A Grief Observed by C.S. Lewis

This book is a classic and timeless work of literature by one of great writers in history. Unlike much of his other work (you may be familiar with The Chronicles of Narnia), this is autobiographical, dealing with his grief after the death of his wife, the American poet and author Joy Davidman. The book is a collection of four notebooks that Lewis wrote during his period of mourning in which he expresses his doubts, questions and struggles with his faith and his sense of meaning. The book is not a systematic or rational treatise on grief but rather a raw and honest exploration of the human condition and the mystery of love and loss.

There are a lot of books on this subject, but it is important to find a good one, as the difference in insights, sensitivities and practical pathways forward can be significant. Start with these five, and if none of them offers the answers that you’re looking for, ask your support network for more ideas.