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Living apart ‘no barrier’ to intimacy for older couples
There is a growing trend for couples to live apart while still being in an intimate relationship, according to a new research report by Lancaster University and University College London.
The report, titled Living apart together and older adults’ mental health in the United Kingdom, found four per cent of all couples over 60 in the UK live in different households while maintaining a steady intimate relationship with each other.
The UK experience, which is comparable with other countries such as the US, the Netherlands and Canada, also shows that when over 60s form a new relationship, living apart together is by far the most popular relationship model.
For single women over 60, living apart together is 10 times more likely than cohabitation or marriage as a relationship destination, and it is about 10 times more likely than marriage and nearly 20 times more likely than cohabitation for older men.
Over 60s are enjoying living in different households while maintaining a steady intimate relationship with each other and this situation, says the study, benefits older people’s mental health.
Compared with single over 60s, older adults living apart together experience lower mental distress and better mental well-being, and the mental health premium associated with this arrangement is comparable to that associated with marriage and cohabitation.
When it comes to relationship changes, living apart together is associated with a slightly smaller mental health improvement than moving into marriage or cohabitation.
Those moving out of a marriage, cohabitation or living apart together experience a decrease in mental health, the study shows. But for those moving out of living apart together, the mental health impact is far smaller than moving out of a marriage or cohabitation.
The research suggests that living apart together appears to offer a balanced option for older adults seeking to enter a partnership – a marginally lesser gain in mental health but far less exposure to risk.
The research report, co-authored by professor Yang Hu of Lancaster University and associate professor Rory Coulter of University College London, has been published in the Journal of Gerontology Series B: Social Sciences – an official journal of the Gerontological Society of America. The study uses data from the UK Household Longitudinal Study and follows changes over a decade from 2011 to 2023.
The research also shows that living apart together provides a more gender egalitarian way for older women and men to access mental health benefits through intimate relationships. While previous research found that marriage and cohabitation tend to entail greater mental health benefits for men than for women, older women and men are found to benefit similarly from living apart together in their mental health.
“When we think about intimate partnerships, we often focus on couples who live under the same roof,” Coulter says, “but our study draws attention to the complex life circumstances in older age and the importance of intimate relationships that stretch across households.”
Hu adds: “While societies and governments have long emphasised the importance of building strong households for the well-being of individuals, our findings highlight the value of going beyond the household as a default building block of families and societies. It’s time we see and recognise the strength of often-invisible intimate ties beyond the household in sustaining older adults’ well-being.”
The perception has been that living apart together is more popular among younger people and that older people tend to prefer more conventional relationship types such as marriage and cohabitation. This study brings to light a new picture of intimate relationships among older adults
