The challenges of growing overseas competition, cost of living pressures and the threat of further regulatory oversight are being met by Australia’s leading lottery and Keno operator – so far.
In what could be a harbinger for the coming year, the S&P/ASX 200 index has been on a roller coaster ride since the market opened on January 3. What’s making investors extremely jittery are fears incoming President Donald Trump’s policies will fuel inflation.
What’s the value of a close friend in retirement?
As we age, our circle of friends shrinks. At the same time, the opportunities to begin and nurture fresh relationships are harder to find. But instead of giving up, you can address this challenging question – what is friendship? To help you do so, this article will pose questions that allow you to reflect on what friendship means to you.
A starting point might be the self-help section of your local bookshop. Have you ever browsed it and marvelled at the quantity of books written about love and work, but wonder why few books are dedicated to friends and friendship? Has no one ever analysed the topic, one that’s particularly pertinent to seniors?
It turns out that people have. More than 2,000 years ago the Roman statesman, lawyer, philosopher and writer Cicero pondered the topic. He had this to say: “People could count the number of goats and sheep they owned, but not the number of their friends.”
Now you may not own goats and sheep, but I’m sure you understand his point.
Rather than burden you with my own definition of friendship, I want to pose a series of questions to stimulate your thinking. Let’s get started.
Would you describe your friendships as diverse in terms of age, gender, values, cultural background, wealth and education level? Make a list of friends and note which of the above categories apply, paying attention to both similarity and difference. The results may surprise you.
How many people would qualify as your close friends as opposed to how many as not-so-close friends? As we age, do we tend to stay loyal to our close friends and bypass the opportunity to make new friends? I won’t furnish you with a definition of close or not-so-close friends. That’s up to you. However, once you have made the calculation you should ask yourself if you want more friends or less friends, whether close or not-so-close.
Perhaps this Cicero quote can help you. “We should choose as friends (those) people who are firm, steadfast and constant.”
I don’t claim to understand what he means by those three lofty adjectives. I would translate his sentiment for the modern reader as a close friend is a person I can ring any time of the day or night.
How deeply do you know/want to know your best friends? You may be familiar with the parable of the porcupine. As those animals huddle together for warmth they prick each other with their spikes, causing them to move apart. Then they move back and forth until they find a comfortable middle. Does this idea resonate with your handling of closeness to a friend?
When did you last make a new friend, and how? Often, we make friendships through shared activities. For example, if we have children we might form a friendship with another parent at the school gate at child pick-up time. I find the “how” of this question the more interesting, and at the same time the more challenging.
As I said above, older age often diminishes our opportunities for meeting people. If this is the case for you, what do you intend to do about it?
Are you the person who mainly organises catch-ups with friends? Someone must pick up the phone, send a text, a WhatsApp message or an email. Is it always you? Or does it vary with each of your friends? By nature, I’m the organiser. That means my friends can rely on me to take the initiative. What are you?
What have you observed about how others conduct their friendships – how they treat their friends and are treated by their friends? Were your parents role models in what it means to be a friend? You may never have even thought about the first question. Give it a go and see what you discover. Regarding the second question, has age taught you that your habits and dispositions are closer to those of your parents than you care to admit?
If you have a partner, is it often true that the two of you are friends with another couple? To state the obvious, if two people are in a relationship they may have friends in common as well as separate friendships. There is nothing more valuable for a couple as they age than to have a life-long friendship with another couple.
In my practice as a retirement coach, I am constantly surprised by clients who rely on their partner to organise get-togethers with other couples. Typically, but not always, it is the woman who makes those arrangements. What do you observe in your own relationship?
What makes you someone people want to befriend? This question should cause self-reflection on the qualities that you bring to a friendship. Do these qualities ring true for you: loyalty, energy, curiosity, practical skills, intelligence or simply being an interesting person? There will be others that pop into your mind.
The person who wants to be your friend will have their own opinion and, in fact, may value your friendship for reasons you are not even aware of. What do you think?
Finally, podcasts are everywhere these days. I have my own podcast – called Talk about Friends – where I explore the topic of friendship with each of my guests. Let me know if you would like to be a guest.
